If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
