You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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