I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
