she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
