Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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