In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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