I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
