I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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