Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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