11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
