im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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