I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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