I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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