You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
