I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
