One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock deserves a montage
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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