This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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