If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
