Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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