how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize