sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
