Texts From Last Night

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  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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  (513): The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/gpmz
  Replies (8) Good night (589) Bad night (3351)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.

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  (903): her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top. http://tfl.nu/4up5
  Replies (132) Good night (838) Bad night (8579)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

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  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4826) Bad night (1199)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.

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  (484): I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations. http://tfl.nu/uf69
  Replies (7) Good night (3265) Bad night (819)
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  (925): View more from California

  Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.

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  (925): Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night. http://tfl.nu/16il
  Replies (8) Good night (953) Bad night (1682)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.

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  (916): I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was. http://tfl.nu/vzii
  Replies (9) Good night (1144) Bad night (2272)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

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  (970): But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/821r
  Replies (27) Good night (2877) Bad night (1462)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston

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  (781): I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/zjjv
  Replies (7) Good night (1178) Bad night (1937)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.

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  (865): I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me. http://tfl.nu/r0al
  Replies (8) Good night (3092) Bad night (625)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.

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  (501): I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho. http://tfl.nu/d92o
  Replies (16) Good night (1451) Bad night (666)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"

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  (315): That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty" http://tfl.nu/cos5
  Replies (14) Good night (1351) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.

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  (303): You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack. http://tfl.nu/ud5l
  Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.

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  (434): Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it. http://tfl.nu/a357
  Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (415)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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  (401): I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE. http://tfl.nu/jvh7
  Replies (8) Good night (629) Bad night (1669)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring

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  (610): I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring http://tfl.nu/xbtn
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (704)

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