I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude