Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.