So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
