I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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