The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
