Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
