I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Shame - the story of my life.
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