you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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