Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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