the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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