Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
