i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
