i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
