sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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