Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
