Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
