Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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