just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize