We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
