Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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