I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
