someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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