youre lurking in front of me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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