Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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