Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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