I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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