you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
