When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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