Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
