Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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