I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
