Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
