Are we in a gay sports bar?
I could make wine with my vomit
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
