If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sarcasm needs its own font
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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