Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
