apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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