I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
