Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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