This is not my ceiling
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
