Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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